Da dove cominciare?

​Where to begin?  I will admit that I was shocked when i logged in to write this, the first bit of news for the new year - and realized how long it had been since I'd last posted here. But as they say - time does fly. And so much has happened. So I guess that's a good place to begin.
2022 went fast. I spent my first full year living here doing the dance of documents for my citizenship, which is complete now, except for a final response which is pretty much a formality - but a necessary one- from the consulate in Miami.  So the wait continues, but in the meantime I have been granted residency, or 'permesso di soggiorno' - the right to live here. So we wait, and the anxiety that was so present that first real year, is gone. 
Two years ago this month, Russia invaded Ukraine. I felt this deeply as I have friends from my time in London who are native Ukranians who still have family there. But never more deeply than when I went to the Polizia in Lecco ( sort of like our 'city hall' for the lake villages) to submit the documents and be fingerprinted for my Italian passport. Because on that day, March 3, the very large first floor of the building was overflowing with refugees. Entire families with babies and as much as they could take when fleeing the country. I was so impressed by the kindness shown to them, the sanctuary granted, and the understanding for their situation.
Perhaps because Europeans have different ideas of war, having survived two major world conflicts on their own land. Perhaps because in a sense, Ukraine is ''just over the mountains" and so they are neighbors, but also because of the hatred for Putin and his regime. In any case, it was a lot to witness.  
Once all the documents were approved by the local commune, (I proved that Toni and Tia and Toni Marie are the same person, and that Umberto ( my grandfather) and Albert were indeed the same man,  I began to sink into living here.  I traveled a bit, continued to study Italian and to test my skills (a bit shyly) in the market, and with people I met in the village.  Practice doesn't make perfect, but it does make permanent.  I learned to say " Sto imparando, piano, piano" (I am learning, slowly, slowly).  Italians in the smaller villages are nothing if not kind and patient. Milan is another story for another time. 
I'd also spent a lot of time editing my new book- tentatively called 'My Grandmother's Ghosts.' Although I wrote it in 4 months during Covid, it took more than a year to get it to a point where I thought I could successfully pitch it. I'd met the woman who would become a dear friend and my writing partner - Kira Witt - in an online writers room during Covid and we spent most of 2022 reading our pages to each other. (If you're a writer I can't recommend this more, it helps you see the holes in your story and a myriad of other things from a new perspective.) 
So we were both sending out queries, but because the publishing business had been kind of stagnant during lockdown, a lot of agents were just inundated and our efforts seemed to be going nowhere.  And then one day, I had an idea.
​Yeah... one of THOSE ideas.  And I couldn't wait to call Kira and see what she thought. 
I'd been trying to find something to watch in the evenings which is how I wind down before sleeping and there was just....nothing.  So as we talked about how hard it was to find something besides zombie movies, dystopian melodrama and true crime, I blurted out something like " I think my book would make a great tv show."  And then I waited for her to tell me I was crazy. 
But instead I heard her say...."I think so too."  I'll spare you the long story about what happened next. I watched a few videos, spent hours on Masterclass with Shonda Rimes and Aaron Sorkin, and bought Final Draft software. And then I wrote a rough outline. Kira came to spend a month on the lake and we wrote every day, except for a trip to Venice and another to Florence. It was divine. By the end of the month we had a 65 page pilot, and submitted to 4 competitions. And we got some amazing feedback from real tv agents.  The gist of it was ' this has so much potential. keep going, and here are some things to focus on.'.  I cannot tell you how that felt! That email came as Kira was flying back to the states. Once the jet lag wore off,  we toasted over zoom and vowed to work on those things. 
I decided than rather than just keep winging it from where we were - to take some courses. So in the winter of 2022, and throughout 2023, I took four courses from Script Anatomy which allows you to share your work with other writers and learn from writers who have had their own work go to screen. The process was a bit pressured, a bit overwhelming, and I learned a lot.  Kira was moving to Paris for a job as an au pair so we'd debrief weekly to keep her up to speed. The last course which began beginning of April 2023, was called Pitch Development, and it covered how to write a pitch for presentation to agents, production companies, studios and streamers. That part and what happened next, would change everything for me.  
First, after hearing from someone who had been through the process more than once -every step you needed to get a 'yes' to get your show on the air - my confidence took a real hit.  Not my belief in my story - but my belief in my desire to spend so much time back in the US, my desire to watch other writers take my ideas and have their way with them. ( I'm not sure I could do that). And the understanding that you could pitch and get all the yesses all the way to the final step - finding a network or streamer to buy the series.... and get no, after no, after no.  I started to wonder if I was in over my head.  And my heart. 
And then - the WGA Writer's strike.  Writers Guild is specifically formed of those who write for film and tv.  And out of this strike came so much information that most of us who just WATCH their work had no real idea of. Or at least of the depth of issues. Abuse on set. Sexual harrassment by producers, directors, studio heads - men and women alike. Wage inequity. AI invasion of domains that were the bread and butter of writers who staffed our favorite shows.  It was all too much.

Kira and I talked about it a lot.  We had formed a small production company so that we could each have a role (not 'if' but 'when') we sold one of our shows.  I would work from Italy and she, being much younger and with a whole career ahead of her, would go to LA or NY and shepherd our work. But at the end of it, I had to tell her I just didn't want to work so hard to get into an industry that is so harsh, so hard on women and so full of problems.  I had never been in it for fame or money, but still - I'm not a quitter.  It rankles in my bones, the whole idea of giving up.  And I still loved the story.  But that's why I'm telling you all of this. 
Sometimes you live the dream. And sometimes you let go of one dream for another.  So I let go - for now- of the idea of turning My Grandmother's Ghosts into a tv show.  But I haven't let go of the book.... which will soon be ready to pitch to agents one more time. 
I'm glad I chased that dream, and chased it hard.  I learned so much , which made me a better writer. I also learned that my writing works when I write from my inner voice, and don't try to fit my stories into templates and formulas and pivot points and inciting incidents that 'producers need to see'. To be honest, I can't watch tv anymore without looking for the formulas I was taught to follow.  But the truth is, tv and film are learning to think outside the box these days.  A new generation of writers are creating new ways of telling stories.  There are no real rules.  There are only stories that pull you in and hold you hostage until the end. 
And that's the book I'm hoping to sell. 
During that time my Italian got better.  I learned to navigate the trains and metro in Milan. I learned about the culture here that has a calendar full of festas for everything from saints to the sacred ravioli of Ombriaco. Yes, I said sacred ravioli. At least that's what it sounds like to me . I learned what it's like to live where everyone in your family was born within 50 kilometers of your village and never left.  I learned not to count on restaurants staying open for Christmas, or much of the winter. And I learned that while I'm rarely lonely, I wanted something more than my lovely plants to care for. And to think about something besides myself.
When I saw a picture of an abandoned puppy on Instagram, who was at a rescue shelter in Naples, I knew she was meant for me.  Pixie changed my world in April of 2023, and nothing is the same. She is growing into a well behaved, very curious  and fearless companion. She's been on the big ferryboats that cross the lake, the trains into Milan, and the Metro. She draws the line on the moving sidewalks. I don't blame her. 
I learned that even if you are far away from the people you love, the ones that love you find a way to check in, to stay close, to make you feel that love.  And I learned that the saying that 'you're never too old, and it's never too late' to chase new dreams... is true. Just keep your heart open and trust your instincts so that you don't hold on to what might not be working, so you can make room for what will.  Only you get to make those decisions. 
January 2024 has brought new changes for the world, as we watch countries at war, and political conflict around the world. The climate changes we thought were decades away, are finding their foothold and we are all feeling it.  But with all of this I have faith in our human need to connect, to hold, and to heal.  Let's keep going, keep dreaming, keep hoping.  I will if you will.  xoxo